LONG OVERDUE

Hello fellow anxiety sufferers and friends of anxious head cases, I have a LOT 2 tell you. A LOT of good news! Today things really came full circle. I was at the methadone clinic as usual for a tuesday. On Tuesdays I pick up my medication for the following week. Unfortunately my support person, who has loyally escorted me through the line and up to the medicating window where the epic anxiety attack first hit about 4 month ago, wasn't at the clinic. I knew I had 2 depend on ME! it felt like suddenly being naked in a roomful of clothed people. But the coping skills i have been practicing for four months kicked in. The awesome thing is that instead of cowering at the prospects of me facing the medicating window alone and having another  humiliating anxiety attack, the opposite happened. i literally felt myself rising to the challenge with unexpected confidence! I felt myself stand tall and straight and take a deep cleansing breathe of Empowering oxygen! i literally breathed in FAITH and exhaled FEAR! And i felt like a ST'RONG INDEPENDENT individual. Once again, tell yourself and your anxious friends, the power of breathing is REAL. OWN your own breath and do not give it away to anxiety. There is nothing like the POWER of a person in control of their own breathing to scare anxiety AWAY! so breathe just BREATHE. Things REALLY came full circle when i got to the window and who was medicating me? NURSE RATCHET who was serving me my methadone when i had that epic anxiety attack four months ago. this particular nurse gave me a judgmental and NOT at all understanding glare when i started hyperventilating and violently shaking with the anxiety attack. that day, four months ago, i spilled about 3/4's of my methadone because of the shaking. BUT this time i didn't let those memories throw me. I stayed in control of my breathing and i let that oxygen fill me with confidence. i held that cup of methadone with ONE hand and with the other hand i could have waved to the crowd like the newly crowned Miss America. IT was an epic success to kick the ass of that epic anxiety attack. I walked away from that nurse who didn't understand anxiety four months ago, and so couldn't understand how monumental it was for me to NOT spill a drop of methadone even without the chaperone i have come to lean on for several months. I walked away a winner and wherever you are with your journey through anxiety to freedom, i hope this entry can give you hope. Just remember your breathing and the power therein. Just remember to NOT b afraid to reach out for help. I wouldn't have seen today without ALL the people who have rallied around me especially when i was at my worst and also who didn't drop me when I got better. My friend couldn't be there today, but i want her to know that my achievement today is in no small part thanks to her help. Also remember to have a positive attitude. Changing our behavior such as facing a fear we usually run and hide to avoid takes time and courage. I have had four months practice in changing my behavior around anxiety. Four months ago, my solution to anxiety was to run and hide through denial and through other maladaptive survival strategies. Well, that is just not my solution anymore. for FOUR months i have implemented new actions and replaced negative self talk with positive affirmations. and it ALL WORKS! that is the coolest thing. with HELP and with practice, i can become the person i never thought i could be. i am now a older, wiser, more confident that i can rise to meet any occasion even if that occasion involves confronting a deep and long term FEAR. and now i am even grateful for the very public, very humiliating panic attack i had. it forced me to change and now i am someone i always wanted to be. i also am grateful for judgmental nurse Ratchet who i felt totally judged by in my weakest moment because she made me have to confront my old insecurity that if someone judges me harshly i am a subhuman individual unworthy of love. now i don't care what people think of me, even if i'm having an anxiety attack, i don't care; thank u nurse ratchet! so wherever you are in your journey, i hope this blog can give you hope and a little more faith in yourself and where you are headed. don't be afraid to ask for help and build that support network. u r worth the effort it takes 2 build a life worth loving and become the person you always wanted 2 b but didn't think you could become. well you CAN and you WILL so let's get STARTED! hit the road anxiety attack and hello BRAND NEW ME! and whoever reads this, hello to you too and i will keep you posted!