UN-conditional acceptance

I never ever thought anyone could accept me unconditionally. But this isn't the case. I had all the love in the world but feelings that I was unloveable prevented me from seeing this. Now the love is creeping in like a sunbeam through the blinds. The blinds have been closed a long time. But some kind of light is  getting in. In the past month I have received so many indications that I am lovable and that I am worthy of unconditional acceptance. The epic anxiety attack four weeks ago forced me to open my mind to the thought and open my heart to the feeling of unconditional acceptance and love. Sometimes it takes a bad course of life events to reveal who your true friends are. Well my bad course of events was internal and happened like a house of cards falling all at once and a lot of people went running from ground zero but a few remained to look for me. I will not name any names but only say you know who you are. There were a few people who saw me in my moment of absolution humiliation, total defeat by the army of my anxiety disorder and they stayed. They saw me with no way to run and nowhere to hide and they stayed. They saw me without any mask to hide behind, they saw my deepest secret which is that at my core I am full of shame and fear and am too ashamed and too afraid to look for any other more positive characteristics. But they saw me and they stayed and they weren't leaving and I knew they were friends. These people have been supporting me daily for the past month in particular. I owe a huge portion of my success to them.. This is to say that whatever your anxiety is doing to you these days, realize that you are not alone. Be honest with people you trust. Don't underestimate a friend's ability to accept you without conditions. People may really surprise you in their ability to understand, they surprised me anyway. Friends who are true friends see the real you. They don't see you through the lens of someone with anxiety disorder or eating disorder or bipolar disorder or addiction or alcoholism. They see you without a lens, as you are without these disorders. Because I am not my disease, I struggle with my disease but it is not me. If it weren't for these people who love and accept me and have seen me at my worst and stayed, I would never have found the strength to believe I am more than my disease and the courage to fight back with their help. It has been a month since that epic anxiety attack and I have learned a lot. I am glad I didn't just self medicate with clonopin because I was forced to employ other strategies. A big reason I have reached this level of success is that I have that acceptance and love of my friends and people on my team. My life with anxiety has taught me a lot over my lifetime. But the best thing it taught me so far is that the more it kicks me down to rock bottom the more aware I am of how much I am loved. I was at rock bottom lower than low a month ago and suddenly I was aware of people coming down to my level and lifting me up and helping me walk with their arms around me and this was love and acceptance and it was unconditional and it is working cause I am walking on my own now but with love from those who know me and knew me at my worst and knew I was not my worst and for them today I am especially grateful. p.s if you are dealing with anxiety today discover the feelings at the root of that anxiety and take a risk and tell a friend and see how you feel after that...